"I'm Straight!": The Introduction of an In-the-Closet Korean Man's Battle Against Himself

Student introductions are always fun. I'd say that a very clear majority will offer up the same core tidbits: name, age, university/major, job/title and maybe the occasional marital status or reason for studying English. They offer those facts to establish the nature and structure of the relationship. For those of us who have been in Korea for awhile, there is nothing usual about this type of introduction. The other day, however, I got a new one.

I had had second thoughts about opening this particular course up as I didn't like the time and the subject. I had also heard that this student is a little unusual and, honestly, I didn't want to mess with it. However, he begged me to open the class for him, so I agreed. It's been a little over a week now and I'm not sure if it was good idea, especially because every class seems to get a little more odd as he feels more comfortable to reveal more personal stories to me.

Let's take the first class and first introduction. I welcomed him into the classroom as usual and he took a seat. Since he had begged for this class to be opened in the first place and the 9am class start time doesn't appeal to business people (too late) or students (too early), he had a choice of thirty empty seats. Oddly enough, he sat right in the middle causing me to have to raise my voice. I eventually coaxed him to the front, but like many Korean students, there is an inborn fear of teachers. I asked him to give an brief introduction. I didn't want much, but something to get him thinking in English.

He started, "Well, I'm straight."

It didn't really sink in at first. I was only half listening since I rarely listen to intro anyways. I guess my perceived indifference to his statement jolted him a bit, so he repeated it. This time I heard it loud and clear. My first thought was, of course, that this guy was totally gay. I gave him a quick look over and decided that it must be true. He was wearing a multi-colored polka-dot shirt under a brown suede vest covered with a black velvet sports coat. I stopped there and decided to give him the benefit of the doubt since acceptable Korean male fashion sometimes gives off the air of homosexuality, as written about here.

Still, I couldn't get past his unprovoked declaration of heterosexuality. No matter how you slice it, there's something odd about that. As class continued, this guy seemed to go out of his way to talk about absurdly straight things. He talked about visiting hookers at massage parlors; dancing with girls all night long at the clubs and visiting a certain area of Seoul where all the girls wear "hot pants". Now I'm not qualified much in this area, but I do think that using the word "hot pants" reduces ones manliness significantly. As an added bonus, he gave me the oddest answer when I asked him if he had ever been to Cold Mountain (a popular ice cream parlor in Korea). His response? "I'm not gay." To top off his heterosexual conquests, he added that he has a girlfriend. I guess he thought that I would be thinking of him as some sex-crazed bad boy. I'm pretty sure he thinks he's a bad boy, but more like this kind of bad boy.



Class continued that way for the rest of the day. Over the next few days, he showed no interest in learning English at all and chose to continue dispelling his self-inflicted gay rumors by telling more and more stories confirming his sexuality. To him, he was making a strong case for heterosexuality. To me, he was cementing my suspicions. Yesterday, he was off on one of his rants about hookers and started steering the conversation towards his performance. In most cases, I'll let students just flow as long as they are using proper English, but I really tried to derail this one. He didn't care, ignored my pressure and continued on to his next prove-to-everyone-how-NOT-gay-I-am rant and thought it was time to talk about Viagra. He pushed on past his story quickly and let me know that he could get me Viagra anytime. I started laughing. Besides the fact that I might need just the opposite of that, he had gone from weird closet homosexual to pusherman. I've been offered what I thought was just about everything under the sun in my younger days, but this was new. AND it was from a Korean gay guy.

Yesterday was by far the most blatant example of what was becoming his glaring preference in men. He was in the middle of another seemingly endless tirade of how popular he is in nightclubs and decided to fill me in on how he picks up his countless hot panted women. He does this.


(Check out that website by the way. It's a real find.)

Like Richard Gere's Gerbil, most American's know this to be a gay gesture. While not anything close to an official source, Urban Dictionary's definition of "Gay Handshake" is as follows:

"A social faux pas in which you stroke the other party's palm with your index finger during a normal handshake. Can be seen as a sexual advance and it just feels really creepy. Go ahead, try it on someone."

So, I wasn't alone in my thinking that this guy just revealed something, but as I've said before, there is a lot of straight Korean behavior that would be viewed as gay Western behavior. I needed to ask some other Koreans though and who better than one of my classes with mostly Korean women aged 19-31. They would know if this was normal flirting or as UD said just "really creepy."

Turns out that this is not normal behavior in the least. In fact, when I told the class about this, all of the girls --in typical Korean fashion-- screamed "어떻게" and the men laughed. The female response did not surprise me since that's what I hear them say 90% of time while on the street. The men, however, were all shocked. They had never heard of such an approach.

Is this fellow gay? It doesn't matter, but I wonder why he's going to such lengths to prove he is straight.

From Their Mouth: I Need Kimchi!!!

While traveling abroad, no matter what country you call your own, you invariably run into some problems. Maybe it’s language or tipping. Perhaps it’s addressing someone by name or trying to exchange money. But no matter what country you’re in, something will be quite different from your home and oftentimes, that leads to some problems. Most of those problems can be solved with a simple phrase book, a friendly stranger or a little luck. Korean’s, on the other hand, tend to face another problem and their problem can’t be solved as easily. Koreans have a very hard time with food.

Most Korean dishes are mildly spicy and overloaded with chili pepper. I think it’s pretty delicious, but honestly there’s nothing particularly special about it. Yet, in Korea and to Korean, I’m an extreme minority. Koreans are fanatical about their food. Food is not just for subsistence, it is for enhancing mood, curing ailments, increasing stamina and boosting intellectual capacity. Do I believe that stuff? Certainly not, but I come from a culture that typically doesn’t make such claims. Korea does and they do it with nearly every type of food. Just for a fun, I’m going to ask my wife about some random Korean dishes right now and let’s see what she says.

"여보, can you tell me a few dishes we eat regularly that possess some sort of healing power?”

“Um… kimchi (김치) helps maintain your immune system.”

“Of course it does.” I said sarcastically.

“…Dwenjang chigae (된장찌개) can help prevent cancer. Chili pepper increases metabolism and ginseng increases your body temperature.

“Really? That’s why people eat ginseng?”

“Yeah, and that’s why you can’t eat it. You’re always hot and sweating anyways.”

That’s true. I’m always hot in Korea. It’s also a slightly true stereotype. Most Koreans (my wife including) believe that most foreigners are sweaty and smelly. It’s somewhat true though since all public spaces in Korea are ridiculously hot and that’s most likely place the interaction occurs.

Still, to a Korean, their food is not only the most delicious and perfect for every situation, but it is crucial for maintaining good health. Besides the medicinal reasons for their connection to their food, Koreans have a very strong sense of ethnic pride. Anything that is viewed as being uniquely Korean is immediately placed on a very high pedestal and a great deal of pride is taken in them. The Korean language, Korean Confucianism (many say that Korea out-Confucius China), Dokdo, tae kwon do, turtle ships and Baekdu mountain range are all examples of things Koreans revere. Food is the same way. Ask a Korean about the origin of their most internationally known food, kimchi, and they’ll give you a nice little lesson that will include an angry rant about how Japan tries to claim it as their own. They call it “kimuchi” in Japan. Let’s see what my wife says when I ask her how she knows kimchi is not a Japanese dish.

“How do you know kimchi is Korean?”
“Because we know that it’s ours.”

Solid (Kimchi is Korean though). Again, I give you those examples to highlight the sense of pride that Koreans get from their food. But pride in their national flavor is not all that interesting -- it occurs is most nations. Tell an Italian that pizza is Greek or a Mexican that burritos are American. They’ll be pissed because part of their tangible culture is being stolen. The problem that Koreans face when traveling has nothing to do with a dispute over the origin of food, it has to do with what food they eat and the reasons for eating it.

From their mouth:

“While traveling abroad, have you ever had any problems with food?”
“I did when I was in Australia.”
“Australia, huh? How long were you there? I asked expecting to hear an extended time period.
“One week.”
“One week and you had problems? What kinds of problems?”
“My family and ate four Australian meals in a row and had to switch back to Korean food.”
“Only four meals? Was it that bad?”
“We needed kimchi.”

He really "needed" fermented cabbage smothered in chili pepper. Jerry (I only know his English name) is in his mid-forties. He’s married, has two daughters and recently started a new job in a small construction company. He and his family went to Australia for a week and, in less than a day and a half, they all had eaten enough Western food. When I asked him why they needed to switch back to Korean food so quickly, as many Koreans would, he used the word “need.” He needed kimchi. I have heard this countless times. They need some particular dish and if they don’t get it, then something terrible could happen (like open-mindedness or maybe a dash of spontaneity might be added to their personality). But then again, the first Korean into space couldn't go without her kimchi either.

"If a Korean goes to space, kimchi must go there, too," said Kim Sung Soo, a Korea Food Research Institute scientist. "Without kimchi, Koreans feel flabby. Kimchi first came to our mind when we began discussing what Korean food should go into space."

I saw this behavior on my honeymoon in the Philippines. Groups of Koreans would stay in Korean-only hotels, eat only Korean food and socialize with only Korean people. In Vancouver, the Korean Mecca of Canada, Koreans (more so than other Asian races) are known for their tendency to shun the local culture, and group together. After school, parents pick their children up and bring them to Korean restaurants. Of course, it’s natural to group together with people similar to you, but Koreans seem to take it a bit too far. I have had tons of students move to the US to study English, only to spend their time with other Koreans, drinking soju, singing karaoke and speaking only Korean.

I say that, yet the streets of Seoul are filled with Western-style eateries. In many places, it’s hard to find Korean billboards between the TGIF, Outback and McDonald’s signs. Non-Korean food has definitely been accepted here, but it is still seen as more of a novelty or a treat. If you ask Koreans what “junk food” is, they will say chicken, spaghetti and burgers. They distinguish it by its origin. I know that eating McDonald's is bad for me, so I try to eat there rarely. Eating McDonald’s regularly makes it junk food and that is unhealthy. Having it once a month makes it a meal. And therein lays the problem with non-Korean food. All of it is viewed as junky or something that negatively affects your health. This mindset, coupled with the idea that Korean food is hyper-medicinal, leads to people “needing” kimchi or other Korean dishes. I know that vegetables are good for me and a doctor will tell me that I need the vitamins contained in vegetables, but I’m not walking around saying, “I need broccoli” or “I need a banana”. If a Korean doesn't feel well on vacation, the first thing they blame is the non-Korean food they were forced to eat.

In the end, it boils down to one thing and it’s not preference. It’s superiority. Like many other races and ethnicity's, Korean’s believe that they are pretty exceptional. You're not going to find many people walking around claiming to be superior to others, but it’s more easily seen when you look at negative light in which foreigners are portrayed in the news and Korean history, oftentimes as the cause of many problems in Korea. Somehow, Caucasians have become somewhat of an exception to this rule, but African, Middle-Eastern and especially other Asian races have a pretty hard time here. This type of ethnic exceptionalism finds its way to food and surfaces with such comments as “I need kimchi” or “I don’t eat American food because junk food is unhealthy.”

Oh yeah? I don't eat Korean soup because it's boiling when it's served to me. Take that!

From Their Mouth: The Mother of Education

Education in Korea is nutty. Families spend thousands of dollars a month on additional tutoring in just about every subject imaginable. The streets are lined with academies ranging from math and science to piano and, my personal favorite, paper folding. Discussing the problems with Korean education is not the aim here --that would take too long and be way too nuanced. Here, I want to discuss the role of Korean mothers in the education system. But not from the viewpoint of a teacher as you might think, but from that of a Korean mother.

The day simply isn’t long enough for the average Korean student and it’s even shorter for the Korean mother. A normal day for a student consists of waking up, eating, going to school, going to after-school academies (hagwons), going to the library, going home, and finally sleeping. From where I’m standing, I’d guess that most “good” students get an average of 4.5 to 5 hours of sleep a night. The better you are, the less sleep you get. Same goes for the Korean mother.

From the moment her son or daughter is born, the Korean mother makes a promise to herself that she will not rest until her child is a success. The definition of success is another topic all together. They waste no time in starting their child’s education. When I taught young children, I was taken aback several times by the age and size of some of the children being brought into school. I remember in early 2007, fresh batches of new wide-eyed English students were sitting with their parents in the assembly room simply stunned by what was happening in front of them. They were all under five years old, never had been separated from their mothers and yet there they were, about to be taken into a classroom by a group of foreigners while their mothers waited with camera’s hoping to catch the perfect shot of their children starting their education. This day marked the beginning of a long and grueling process not only for the young learners, but for the mothers also.

They do everything they can to ensure their children will do well in school because a student who succeeds in the classroom serves as a marker for what type of mother he or she has. While getting perms, mothers proudly jaw to each other about their child’s grades and academic prowess. Every day until their child has entered a top university, the Korean mother will be up early in the morning preparing meals and staying up late into the night helping her child with homework and forcing encouraging them to study harder. I have graded countless homework assignments where the mother’s presence was easily detected. They try all sorts of methods of foolery from writing the answers lightly so the child can simply trace the text while I’ve even seen some attempting to write like a child in hopes of squeezing one by. They do this out of love for their child, but there’s another reason: other mothers.

From their mouth:

“Does your daughter (9) go to any hagwons?”I asked.
“Yes. She goes to four: math, science, art and English.”
“That’s a lot. Why so many?
“She used to attend just an English hagwon, but my friends made me feel bad.”
“Because one wasn’t enough?”
“Yeah, they said that I was a lazy mother.”
“I don’t understand really. What’s the connection?”
“They think I’m a bad mother because my daughter won’t be as smart as the other children.”

Fierce competition in this country as bled into every facet of the culture, and it has absolutely saturated education. Lee Ji-eun, 38, was pressured to send her nine year old daughter to more academies. Her friends and other mothers in her neighborhood thought she was not being a good mother and Ji-eun felt horrible and started to think that maybe they were right. They made her feel this way because, in their mind, by not providing an excessive good education, her daughter will not be able to be competitive and will run the risk of failure. By this logic, a bad student equates to a bad mother. And in Korea, you can’t hide grades. So, where did this come originate?

From discussions with older Koreans (50+), I’ve learned that it hasn’t always been common for mothers to push their children so hard in school. Of course you have to take the state of Korea at that time into consideration and also that families were much larger decades ago, but there just doesn’t appear to be any historical excuse for Korean mothers to be so whacky. The most common explanation I’ve heard is that South Korea doesn’t have enough natural resources to support the economy, so the structure of the economy (service/exports) has been setup in such a way that gaining a more practical education in business or engineering is the best way to compete. And since everyone is operating under this logic, the competition for the same jobs in the same top companies is stiff.

This is the explanation I usually get and it makes no sense. Competition for top jobs is always stiff no matter where you are, but what does that have to do with obsessive studying as a child? How does having an export-based economy explain why mothers force their young children to study for hours on end? It doesn’t. There are tons of countries with this setup. The first problem is that the Korean education is based on test scores and book levels. Mothers live to brag about what book level their child reached at the hagwon and how many hours they studied. Most tests are multiple choice and very rarely are students required to write essays. A specific test, called 수능 (suneung) is the high school test of all tests. It’s the one that dictates whether or not you go to a good university. If you do well, then you are fed into a system which will pander to you and eventually offer you a “desirable” position in a company or other profession. If you fail then your potential success is severely marginalized. How do you do well on this test? One word: study.

“Hyun-soo is so tired these days. He’s studying very hard.”
“So is Eun-kyung. It’s great.”

This exchange has not been witnessed by me, but I can only imagine. I’ve talked to many mothers who admit that the amount of time their kids spend studying is excessive, but they “can’t” do anything about it. The excuse is eerily close to the one that kid’s use when caught smoking: “All the other mothers are doing it.” They know it’s bad for their kids (see Korean teen suicide rate), yet they can’t stop (see Alabama meth addiction rate). And if no one stands up and stops it, then it will continue to snowball and mothers will continue to devote themselves to destroying their children’s youth preparing their children for success. In the meantime, good mothers like Ji-eun who want to give her child free time to play, get into trouble and be a child, must either endure the criticism from overbearing mothers or give in and essentially steal the innocence of childhood from her daughter.

When you hear a six year old student say they are studying English “to get a good job” then you know there is a problem. And in Korea, it starts and ends with the mothers.

From Their Mouth: The Foreign Menace

It’s pretty safe to say that most Koreans think the only reason native English teachers are here is because they couldn't hack it in their own country. In fact, I've even heard one older Korean man say that “90% of English teachers here are shit”. And honestly that might not be too far from the truth. I’ll admit that many English teachers in Korea are not good at all and choose to stay because of the extended college-like lifestyle, but not because they can't succeed in their home nation. However, that doesn't matter on the streets of Seoul. What matters is that you are non-Korean, probably a teacher (or American GI which is worse) and due to some lack of ability; the destitute circumstances in your life led you to become a teacher. In other words, you had to flee to Korea.

Since this mindset is relatively widespread -especially among the old and Korean men- it becomes even more troubling and directly affects all them when a young Korean woman, obviously aware of their deficiencies, decides to get romantically involved with such foreign failures. There's nothing that jolts the status quo like an interracial relationship, yet so many of these gals decide to do so. Using the same “can't hack it” logic to explain foreigner behavior, the immediate reaction that a Korean might have is to assume that the foreigner couldn't get a girlfriend at home, so they have to prey on the naive or unsuspecting Korean girl. Why else would they try such a thing?

There are tons of reasons why a person decides to date another person and, contrary to what a Korean man might believe, even “their” Korean women can have genuine reasons to become involved with a foreign man. And still, many Koreans chalk it up to curiosity, naïveté, sexual deviancy desire or other motives in an attempt to reduce the relationship to a youthful moment from which the Korean girl will grow up, come to her senses and marry a Korean man. The other path is that the Korean girl will wise up after discovering that a foreigner is obviously incapable of carrying on a meaningful relationship that goes beyond casual sex and then she will come to her senses and marry a Korean man. Both roads lead to their apparent savior or indicator of sanity: a relationship with a Korean man.

Lee Yun-ha, 29, had been in a relationship with her American boyfriend for the past several years. Six months ago, a minor dispute escalated, just as they can do in any relationship regardless of race, which led to the end of the relationship -nothing nasty, just a parting of ways. From what I gathered, neither one harbored any resentment towards the other. Recently, she has been trying to date again.

From Their Mouth:

“So, you've been dating again. Are you dating foreigners or Korean men?” I started.
“I don’t really care, but I'm worried about dating a Korean man.”
“Worried? What about?” I was not expecting that response.
“그, I'm worried about explaining what I've been doing for the past three years.”
“What do you mean?”
“I don't want to tell him that I dated a foreigner.”
“Why not?”
“He would think I was sleazy (I provided that word) or have diseases.”
“Like STD's?”
“Yeah, or that I’m untrustworthy or crazy.”

The word ‘crazy’ in Korea is not something that is used playfully. It has a very serious and literal connotation. Because of absurd presumptions made by many Koreans, this young woman is ashamed simply because she had a totally legitimate relationship with a foreign man. She fears getting involved with a Korean man because she might have to reveal her horrible secret.

Certainly not all Korean men would react negatively and some might think it's interesting, but I can guarantee you that none of those Korean men would tell their mothers that their girlfriend or even wife used to date a foreigner. There are thousands of Korean girls dating foreign guys out there as well and not all of those relationships end in marriage. How do you think they explain that gap in their relationship resume? They don't. They lie. They lie because they fear the repercussion and the shame that their Korean boyfriend or husband will lay on them.

I started writing this last night and this morning in class, I had another great exchange on the topic. Kang Seok-ho looks like he’s about 35. He's a very bright, friendly guy who speaks English quite well. My class of eight was discussing a recent article in the Korea Times detailing the educational impact of English teachers choosing to leave Korea after only one year.

From their mouth:

“Often times, male teachers will stay in Korea for more than one year, while females very rarely do so. Why is that? I asked the entire class.
“Men stay here because it is easy for them to get Korean women.” Seok-ho blurted out.
“Easy? Why is it easy? I know several people who can't seem to nab one.”
“Korean women want to study and speak English, so they get a foreign boyfriend.”
“So, English is the only reason for all these relationships? My wife must really love English.”
“No (laughing), it's not the only reason, but it's the main one.”

There you go. This fellow seemed to think that we are free and portable language classes to these Korean women. Somehow, all of these women are tricking their foreign boyfriend into thinking that they're actually interested in him.

I'm not sure what the obsession is with explaining such behavior, but why does there have to be an excuse or an ulterior motive for these women? So what is it? Is it because it’s perceived that foreign men who come here have it easier than their Korean counterpart and that leads to this apparent derision? Is it because all Korean women are naïve or curious? No! It's probably because many of us have less inhibitions and more confidence with women, so we actually approach beautiful women when we see them rather than whining over reasons why foreigners are ill-equipped to teach, prosper and have meaningful relationships with a woman, regardless of passport color.

Nonetheless, most stereotypes contain elements of truth. Some teachers do come to Korea to escape their own country. A few Korean women are just plain old slutty and want to feel like their being “naughty” by sleeping with foreigners and others may even do it for the English, but I assure you though, these people are an extreme minority and their intentions are usually never made public to anyone. Thus, they are left for the Korean population to decipher and that is where things tend to get a little dicey.

From Their Mouth: Homosexuality

Homosexuality is a strange and underground behavior in Korea. The stereotypical and media-sensationalized ways of identifying a gay man or woman using standard superficial means such as clothing, speech intonation or behavior are useless because of the extreme lengths some go to conceal their sexuality. You won’t see them walking around openly in the streets, but they’ve always been out there in the clubs, sauna’s and parks just like the rest of world. Recently, however, there has certainly been more and more publicity surrounding the LGBT community.

There have been gay pride parades in Seoul, lesbian pies, lesbian radio shows, lesbian parks and several teevee shows and articles written on the subject. Yet despite its plain view presence or its seedy underbelly status, many Koreans still believe that Korea has no gays.


Take Hwang Eun-young, 31. She’s an ordinary straight Korean woman. She’s studying to be a high school English teacher. She likes going to dinner friends, drives with her boyfriend, but most of all likes romantic comedies. She, like many, many Korean people, believes that there are very few "real" homosexuals in Korea. In class we discussed this topic. The original point of the discussion was how Korea treats homosexuals. She seemed to think that people were gay by choice and that most of them are gay only for a few months or maybe a couple of years. Ludicrous to say the least, but I didn’t want to interrupt the flow since it is a conversation class after all.

Of course, it is very difficult to gauge just how many homosexuals are in Korea, especially with the shame that surrounds making such an announcement. Korea Beat had an interesting write up on it awhile back which highlighted a study that claimed that 10% of gay Koreans get married to members of the opposite sex.

So, to continue on with "From Their Mouth"...

“How do you think mainstream Korea treats homosexuals?” I started.
“Well, there aren’t very many at all, so I don’t think there is a specific way they are treated.”
“But I’ve seen a lot of gay Korean men and women in various bars and clubs in some of the foreign areas of Seoul. They seemed to be pretty gay to me.”
“They probably weren’t gay. Western people think any man wearing pink is gay”

I laughed. That’s somewhat true. Not only pink shirts per se, but western people love to point fingers and call someone gay simply because they fit a certain mold. I do this all the time in Korea. My wife and I will be walking down the street and see a man wearing what looks like a very feminine outfit, yet he'll be with a woman who is clearly his girlfriend. I’ll say he’s gay and then will be corrected immediately with something like “He’s not gay. He’s just Korean.” I've seen teenage boys also acting in a way that could be considered homoerotic not only by sometimes overly homophobic Western standards, but by any standards. I have seen them scratching each other’s heads and hair, rubbing shoulders, excessively goosing and holding hands all over the place. When I ask about this outward display of affection, the response usually gets mixed in with an excuse about how hard they study and they’re just helping each other relieve stress. Makes sense, right? I wonder what gay men and women do to relieve stress? I bet it’s the same as straight men and women and it usually starts with affectionate touching and ends in sex. Just saying…

So, Eun-young thinks that the men dancing very sexily with each other at a gay bar were not gay. The young Korean men kissing were doing so to relieve stress. Of course, I asked her if she saw Western men engaging in such behavior would she think that they were gay. She gave a very clear “Yes!”

“Let’s pretend that the Korean men in the club were gay. Will they still be gay in five years?” I asked.
“No way. They wouldn’t do that to their family. Besides, their mother will get them medicine.”
“Medicine? Is homosexuality curable?”
“Absolutely! Medicine and counseling will cure it.”

I was shocked that she felt this way, but not at all shocked that a Korean would feel this way. Koreans tend to blame “deviant” behavior on temporary lapses of judgment. It is commonplace to refer your recently-discovered homosexual son or daughter to therapy the second that they break the news. And most of the time, it’s not a bi-weekly visit to the family psychiatrist, but a three month stay at the local “white house” (asylum). It’s like the US version of the Jesus camps for “confused” boys and girls.

The thought that homosexuality is a medically curable disease is so far out of touch with reality, still this young women sincerely believed it. Feeling that I should try to persuade her a little, I decided to find a list of animals that displayed homosexual behavior in nature. The list is quite long and actually a little gross. Here is an abbreviated version of gay mammals (it was originally 200+).

• African Buffalo
• Amazon River Dolphin
• American Bison
• Antelope
• Asian Elephant
• Asiatic Lion
• Atlantic Spotted Dolphin
• Australian Sea Lion
• Beluga
• Bighorn Sheep
• Black Bear
• Black-tailed Deer
• Bottlenose Dolphin
• Bowhead Whale
• Brazilian Guinea Pig
• Bridled Dolphin
• Brown Bear
• Brown Long-eared Bat
• Brown Rat
• Buffalo
• Caribou
• Cat (domestic)
• Cattle (domestic)
• Cheetah
• Commerson's Dolphin
• Common Chimpanzee
• Common Dolphin
• Dog (domestic)
• Doria's Tree Kangaroo
• False Killer Whale
• Fat-tailed Dunnart
• Fin Whale
• Fox
• Giraffe
• Goat (Domestic)
• Gorilla
• Grey Whale
• Grey Wolf
• Grizzly Bear
• Hamster (Domestic)
• Harbor Porpoise
• Horse (domestic)
• Killer Whale
• Koala
• Kob
• Larga Seal
• Lion
• Lion-tailed Macaque
• Lion Tamarin
• Little Brown Bat
• Livingstone's Fruit Bat
• Long-eared Hedgehog
• Long-footed Tree Shrew
• Moose
• Mouse (domestic)
• North American Porcupine
• Orangutan
• Orca
• Pacific Striped Dolphin
• Pig (Domestic)
• Pig-tailed Macaque
• Plains Zebra
• Polar Bear
• Rabbit
• Red Deer
• Red Fox
• Red Kangaroo
• Red-necked Wallaby
• Red Squirrel
• Reindeer
• Rufous Rat Kangaroo
• Savanna Baboon
• Sea Otter
• Serotine Bat
• Sheep
• Sperm Whale
• Spinner Dolphin
• Squirrel Monkey
• Swamp Deer
• Tiger
• Walrus
• Warthog
• Water Buffalo
• Western Grey Kangaroo
• West Indian Manatee
• White-tailed Deer
• Wild Goat

It seems that kangaroos and dolphins love male companionship more than the rest. Not to sound corny, but I wasn't too surprised to discover the sperm whale loved male parts, but the Red-necked Wallaby was a little out of place. Add about 80 species of birds, 60 species of amphibians and reptiles, 50 species of fish, and another 200 insects to that list and then we have a start. I read through some of these behaviors with Eun-young as well. Many of them engage in simple courtship and homosexual rubbing, but there's one animal that sticks out: the dolphin. It has been witnessed inserting its penis into the blowhole of other male dolphins. That’s super gay and it really drove my point home. No pun there, but I could have come up with a better way to say it.

After we looked at this list, I was thinking that something might have clicked in her brain. So I continued...

"Do you think we can cure these animals with medicine also?"
"No because they're just confused. They can't think like humans can."
"So, humans can think, yet we still engage in this behavior. What does that mean?"
""

It was clear that I was not going to be able to convince her of anything. My biggest concern is that nations like Korea, where minorities of any kind face some form of prejudice or discrimination should be well beyond this sort of thinking. This was not a debate of "born gay vs. choice"; that wouldn't go anywhere since she doesn’t think anyone is actually gay. It was simply an interesting look into how the everyday Korean views a very everyday issue.

Final Thought: This young Korean has been raised in a heavily globalized society. It's a society that tries so hard to infuse every bit of Western life into the normal Koreans life. Korea has done everything they can to create the facade image that it not only has developed economically, but also socially. Progress is linear and maybe it'll take a few years for them to catch up on this issue, but a person from the younger generation who thinks just like her grandmother is not a great sign.

From Their Mouth: Adultery

One of the biggest advantages of teaching adults is that I gain a relatively more in-depth view into Korean mentality and logic. The students feel more relaxed when they're in class with me. The cultural barriers are down. They know that I'm not Korean and I won’t judge them by the same shaming criteria that their colleagues, friends and family do, so they tend to vent a lot and really articulate themselves without any restrictions. I have heard the most incongruous things in my time in front of these classes as well as some really remarkable stories as well.

"From Their Mouth" is their completely candid and unfiltered stories. It's a collection of stories, opinions, experiences and statements with a little research and my take on it. I changed the names slightly.

Kim Dong-jun, 44, is a single, successful man who loves his life. He regularly travels all over the world on both business and pleasure, but really loves to spend time in Macau. He likes to go there for one reason: sex. He loves Chinese prostitutes and takes weeklong trips down to the Southern port more than six times a year. I asked him why he didn't frequent any of the Korean brothels that blanket Seoul and he said that the Chinese girls were "less inhibited". Of course I was interested in what meant by that and he explained it to me as "strong sex". That indicated to me that he could get rough with his Chinese hookers and that was his thing.

As the exchange continued, I figured out that he was in a long-term relationship (9 years) and he plans on marrying her within the next couple years. Naturally, I was a tad perplexed since this information was discovered immediately after he revealed he frequented China for rough sex with prostitutes.

"Does your girlfriend know what you do in Macau." I asked.

"Yeah, but she can't do anything about it."

"Why not? Couldn't she leave you?" I was undoubtedly taken back by his cavalier attitude.

"Only Korean people can appreciate why a man needs more than one woman. It's our history. Women know, but ignore it."

I thought this was a great response and let him continue talking. He mentioned that all of his friends frequented all sorts of girl bars ranging from sexy, bikini bars to massage parlors and even full-blown brothels. He told me a story about a Korean-Canadian couple that he once knew who moved to Korea on business. Dong-jun took his new buddy to some of these places and his friend loved them. Together, they started going to these places several times a week. Dong-jun claims he never sleeps with any of the Korean girls who work at those places, but his new friend certainly did. Ultimately, the Canadian-Korean's wife found out what was going on and was livid. She divorced him and went back to Canada. Dong-jun almost laughed this detail off while offering this up as evidence for his outrageous "only Koreans understand" declaration.

"How many Korean men IN KOREA participate in this type of thing?"

"I'd say 90%." He replied as he casually leaned back in his chair.

"You mean 9%?"

"No, 90%...at least."

"And you think that's okay?" I was hoping for him to admit that it’s a pretty shitty thing to crow about.

"It's our culture."

He claims that 90% of Korean men have been unfaithful to their wife or girlfriend. That's an enormous number for any nation and especially from a country where it's still illegal and jail-able to have an affair. There was a case that concluded recently where a Korean actress was caught having an ongoing affair for ten years with two men. Here's that story.

"A district court in Goyang, near Seoul, handed Ok a suspended eight-month jail sentence, South Korean media reported, meaning she will not have to serve time. Ok's lover received a six-month suspended term."

Her second lover was an Italian chef who has since fled the country. Any crime that involves a foreigner and a Korean woman, especially when sex is involved, is considered an aggravating factor in that crime (much like carrying or using a weapon in a robbery) and usually perused much more aggressively.

That's not the point of this post though. I wanted to know if Mr. Kim was even close to being accurate and according to Cho Joo-hee of ABC News, he was pretty damn close.

"Extra-marital affairs are nothing new in South Korea. In an online survey last year by monthly women's magazine Woman Sense, 79 percent of married men and 15.5 percent of married women in their 30s and 40s admitted adultery."

I did see another article that said the number was closer to 65% and since this survey was conducted by an online women’s magazine, some of those "male respondents" might actually be bitter wives. Still, it's a high number and even if women are pretending to be their cheating husbands which might suggest that they are at least aware of what is going on.

Cho (a Korean woman) seems to excuse this behavior though.

"But ironically having affairs is seen in a different light in Korea. In fact, my married Korean friends openly talk about girlfriends or boyfriends, moreso of "wanting" a lover rather than confessing to an ongoing relationship. But conceptually an affair is more often considered a rebelliously courageous and romantic act than a morally despicable betrayal. That is assuming that the would-be lovers in question are dutifully playing their roles as husbands and wives -- making money to support the family, taking care of the kids and spending time with the in-laws."

Cho apparently believes that marriage in Korea is not based on love, compatibility or romance, but more on the duty of being a husband or wife. Those roles, of course, are very gender-specific.
If both women and men are content with this arrangement, then Kim Dong-jun’s behavior is totally acceptable and his estimation could very well be accurate.

It’s not my place to say it’s wrong though. After all, I can’t understand.