Seoul Traffic Lights

Wow. Was that almost two weeks away from this bad boy? Sorry...

As you know, I am brave enough to drive in this accident-ridden city and cool enough to drive a motor scooter. The other day, I discovered something about driving here.

When I go to work, I leave at the same time everyday. I take the same route and have even timed how fast I need to go in order to hit every light perfectly (70-80km/hr), so a drive from Gangnam to Jamsil takes twelve minutes rather than thirty. It took a few days to master, but I had it down well.

On April 1st, I did the same thing I always did. I left the house at the same time and was at the appropriate traffic light at 12:35 -just in time to beat the light. Well, this time, I was off. The light was not green like it always had been. I figured it was a fluke and waited it out. After all, the lights are on a cycle and I'll just pick up the next one in a few minutes.

So the light turned green and I sped on in my normal James Dean fashion, but was stopped at the next light. This pattern continued the entire way there. I have to go through nearly 20 lights to get to Jamsil and I got caught at every one. My commute took thirty minutes and I was late.

The next day I tried again and again was duped. The following day, I tried to leave a little earlier, but still couldn't manage my drive so I hit the lights accurately. Remember, I drive a scooter, so besides being very cool, I don't ever get caught in traffic. I drive on sidewalks, alleys, between buses, on the other side of the road and anywhere else that gets me to my destination faster. The traffic is not a hindrance.

The only thing I can assume that happened was the the City of Seoul, in a surprisingly clever move, changes the patterns of the lights every month so that motorcycle guys and taxis don't game the system which could lead to increased accidents as we believe we can predict the flow of traffic, therefore leading to carelessness and more accidents.

It's smart and I have yet to figure out April's system, but I will soon and then BAM! it'll be May.

Touche 서울...

Phish Lights Hampton Up With "Dudes"

There is nothing surprising about this. I'd say 100:1 is an exaggeration, but it doesn't matter.



Phish shows and jam bands don't really attract women, but there's nothing revealing about this. No one goes to these shows to meet women. They go for the music. They go to dance. I'm not sure why the author thought this to be unique, but he did.

The article also linked this photo.



What's telling here is the age of the fans. I, too, was one of those kids out there. I fondly remember my tye-dye shirts, hemp necklaces and long hair, but I always knew that I was the youngest. The whole scene has changed a lot in the past 10 years and most of the original Phishheads and jambanders have grown up (or moved to Korea), so these dudes are the next wave. (H/T to Coug)

Anmyeon-do Trip

We're taking a little trip down to Anmyeon-do today. It should be a little cold, but we have a nice cabin and will do what we can to stay warm.



I'm going to try to check out the remnants Taean Oil spill as well.

Have fun.

Here's a little weekend reading on the benefits of legalizing marijiuana to stimulate California's economy.

Want to rip-off Journey?

How many songs ripped off Journey's Don't Stop Believing? (for FB, click here)

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

It works pretty well, too.

Robin Williams in the Hospital

I really hope he'll be okay.

Robin Williams needs heart surgery and must cancel the remainder of his one-man comedy show, "Weapons of Self-Destruction," his publicist said Thursday. The 57-year-old actor needs an aortic valve replacement, Diane Rosen said in a news release. Williams' representatives would not say when the comedian was admitted to the hospital or where.

Literal Versions of Classic Music Videos

Literal versions of popular music videos have been getting a lot of attention on Youtube and other related sites recently. It's pretty simple: People sing over the video with their own lyrics detailing what is actually happening in the video. The best ones are from the 80s and 90s when people still made creative music videos.

Here's the literal version of Ah-ha's "Take on Me".

See more funny videos and TBT Videos at Today's Big Thing.

I like this one alot too. Tears for Fears is great anyways, but this makes them even better.



Here's a little "Under the Bridge" by RHCP.



I just found this one today while I was snooping around. It's much better than the original.



And I'll end with Billy Idol.

White Wedding: Literal Video Version - watch more funny videos

Watch them. Laugh.

Free Writing at the Dentist

Saturday 2pm

I just got to the dentist office with 고. I’m going to stay in the waiting room and kind of just write about nothing. It’ll be a fun free flowing exercise.

There’s something very unnerving about sitting in a dentist’s office waiting room. Everything is designed to calm me down. The soothing music; mellow lighting and earth tone furniture all are supposed to make me feel relaxed, but it just doesn’t work. I feel so exposed and vulnerable and that at any moment, I could be forced to the back and strapped into a chair for hours of pain. I just don't trust them.



I’ve had a difficult relationship with dentists. Aside from my cavity-addled, baseball season penchant for suicides, Big League Chew and Airheads as a kid, I always seem to be in need of some sort of dental work. For starters, I was born with a small mouth. You can’t tell by looking at me, but I actually only have 24 teeth.



I have had eight permanent teeth removed since I was nine. I remember the cracking sound when they were pulling them out. I was young, but that sound is still with me. I had a root canal when I was 15 and another when I was 21. I am in need of caps and fillings I’m sure, but just being in the office was a big step for me. I will get my teeth taken care of before moving back to the US though.

3pm

I’ve been here for an hour now. I’m not sure how long it takes to get wisdom teeth removed, but I think it’s a fairly simple procedure. Maybe they threw in a root canal on top of it. In fact, the root canal I had when I was 21 was just that. I went in for a filling, but after a few minutes into the procedure, I realized that something was different. By the time I managed to inquire, the root canal was over. It didn’t hurt really, but that wasn’t the problem. The problem was the $250 difference. I went in there the day before for a checkup and he told me I needed a filling, so I went back in for that and ended up with a root canal. When I finally did ask why he switched it, he replied, “When I saw the entire tooth, I realized it needed a root canal.”That, by the way, is totally illegal.

Which leaves three possibilities: 1) He’s an awful dentist who can’t properly diagnose his patients, 2) He was being honest and that can happen or 3) He’s incredibly crafty and deceptive. And if he is the latter, then what’s his M.O.? Does he intentionally misdiagnose in order to lure people back in for cheaper procedures or does he just add stuff on to inflate the bill? This, of course, makes dentists no different than mechanics, lawyers and everyone else that can screw you over because their trade is so “specialized”.

330pm

Alright, it’s been an hour and a half now. There seems to be a lot of action in and around 고운’s room. I’m getting really bored and a little hungry, but I’ve waited this long so I don’t want to leave. I get good husband points by waiting here this whole time. If I leave, then it’ll all be in vain. They do have a coffee maker. Maybe I’ll get some... I did and I made a huge mistake. I got an Expresso with crème. I didn’t even know that existed. There has been a constant cycle of Kim Yu-na featured commercials on the television which only contributes to my frustrations. (The Party Pooper did a nice little write up on that here.)

We went to see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button this morning. We usually go and see movies in the morning. It’s less crowded, quieter and, maybe the biggest reason, much cheaper. It’s like five bucks for two tickets. That’s a deal and since one of us always seems to finish work late, it’s the only time we can go.

345pm

She's done. She looks a little sore, but it was an easy procedure I think.

Hallabong Juice

We were certainly on a movie kick this weekend. We saw The Curious Case of Benjamin Button AND Marley and Me. Both were good, but I liked Marley and Me more. Besides the obvious reasons like my love for dogs, it was really quite touching. Last year, I had to say good-bye to two dogs. It was rough. Sadness aside, the point is that 고 and I had a lot of time down this weekend.

Today, we decided to make orange juice. 고's dad sent us a box of hallabongs last week and there was no way we were going to finish them all, so we decided to make hallabong juice. Our skills in the kitchen have yet to mature, but he still gave it a try.

First, we got online to figure out how to make orange juice.

1. Begin by tightly squeezing oranges repeatedly to soften them.
2. Wash thoroughly, cut into halves and remove seeds.
3. Proceed to step 11 if using a juicer.
4. Carefully cut circularly around the edge of an orange half, slightly separating the fruit and peel.
5. Grip the orange half tightly and squeeze directly into a glass or serving pitcher.
6. Continue squeezing and periodically rotating the orange in your hand until liquid is no longer produced.
7. Scrape the orange with a spoon and add fruit directly to the juice for additional pulp.
8. Put the juice through a strainer for less pulp.
9. Repeat with the other orange halves.
10. Serve and enjoy.
11. Follow specific machine instructions on loading and juicing oranges if using a juicer.

BUT... we decided to scrap that and try it our own way.

First we rolled them.

Then we squeezed them.

And there we peeled them all the way and put them into this super old pot.

And then we dumped into our little blender.

Blended them up a bit.

There was tons of pulp because we opted for the blend method. So, 고s doing a little straining.

Finished product.

Some extra pulp for me. And yes, I pull my hair back with my sunglasses while at home.

The juice tastes pretty good although it's pulpy as hell. Don't get me wrong, I know that this was very simple and a total waste of time to read/write, but I figured it was a good excuse to throw some pictures up.

And don't make juice this way either.

My Dance Style Revealed

After years of trying to describe my dancing style, I think I found the closest representation.



But throw some short shorts on him and BAM! it's me.

Warm Weather Skiing?

Well, I was going to go skiing this weekend...



Beer?

The Chinese Heart Fireworks

Well, what did they expect?

Old traditions may have clashed with the latest addition to Beijing's increasingly modern skyline, as the nearly finished Mandarin Oriental hotel caught fire Monday night after being showered with a burst of fireworks.

While I was in Beijing this past month, I couldn't believe the amount of fireworks being set off and the seemingly blatant disregard for personal safety.

"The cause of the high-rise blaze was unclear...Preliminary reports said the fire was caused by the illegal use of fireworks, and an investigation is underway, chinanews.com said. While Beijing authorities permitted the use of fireworks downtown this year, fireworks are not allowed inside buildings or on roofs or balconies."

I'd say it's time to review the fireworks law. I know that the Chinese are very proud that they invented fireworks and their New Years celebration is impressive, but this was totally avoidable.

Korean New Years Resolution

I usually don't make a resolution for the New Year. I never follow it and I'm already perfect, so why make the effort? Many Koreans, however, do make them. And not surpisingly, they usually invlove English.

"Improving foreign language skills, especially English, was the goal that employees want to achieve the most in the New Year, with 56.8 percent of 944 people surveyed making the statement, according to a recruitment company Saramin."

Nearly 57% of people cited English as their number one priority for the new year. That number beat out "self-improvement", "saving money" and "maintaining good health". Apparently YBM, one of the largest English schools (and rival of my company), thinks that the resolution is the main reason for enrollment in adult language institutes.

"We have many students during summer, but have more in winter because English study is one of the most common New Year resolutions for both students and workers. Employees usually take early morning or late evening classes,'' Cha Kyung-sim, of YBM's marketing and PR department, said."

That's simply not the case though. It's winter vacation for college students. Many of them sign up for a month or two of classes to prepare them for more advanced classes at school, do well on the TOEIC/TOEFL test or make a good impression at summer internship.

Whatever it may be, it pays my bills, so good for them.

Top Ten: 2008

Here's my Top Ten Best List for 2008!

10. Colbert's Green Screen Challenge: John McCain was there!



9. US Beef Protests in Korea



8. Mustache



7. NY Philharmonic playing 'Arirang' in Pyongyang.



6. China's "Fake" Olympics



5. Wall-E



4. Yes We Can!



3. Boracay Honeymoon



2. President Barack Obama



1. Marrying 김고운

China Wins?

Apparently, somebody thinks that China is going to top the US in medals in Beijing. Now, I'm not the type to wave my flag, but the Olympics gets me going and I hope we crush the Chinese on their own soil.

From Yahoo,

"China should win one more medal than the United States at the Beijing Olympics—88 to 87—and top the overall table for the first time, according to a survey released Monday by accounting firm PricewaterhouseCoopers."

My prediction: USA wins by 7 or more medals. However, if we do somehow lose to China, I will eat Chinese dog food for one whole meal and post the video of it here.

Beef Impatience

My patience with the US-beef protests ran out days ago. If you want to read about it go here and here.

ROKDrop points out that it's not all Koreans who are crazy, just those who still live in Korea. There is a huge protest tonight; probably the biggest yet. I'll let you know if I was taken away in the middle of the night and thrown into concentration camps filled with US beef. The horror!

Hot Summer Issue

Just as the hysteria and mess of vigils, protests and public anger continues to garner public support, another story that actually warrants an outcry of public concern is swept under the rug because, apparently, nothing is more important than abusing riot police, I MEAN, protesting the re entrance of guaranteed MCD infested beef to the helpless Korean population.

South Koreans can sleep well knowing that their North Korean brothers and sisters are starving just 30km north of Seoul, but manage to gather the stamina and passion to protest in the streets for over thirty days about beef.

"A 66-year-old fisherman escaped from North Korea 33 years after being kidnapped and is currently under the protection of the South Korean consulate in Shenyang, China, the head of an abductee-related association said Monday."

These stories come out all the time, yet there is never any increased interest or demand from the public to work for the millions in the same situation. And if their is any interest, it peaks with this one story and then is put to rest soon after.

"The abductee was one of the 33 fishermen aboard the boat and the fourth one who has made it home. Ko Myung-sup, 64, Choi Uk-il, 68 and Lee Han-seop, 60, escaped from the North and successfully returned home between 2005 and 2007."

So, there were 29 other people on board that were kidnapped. My question: Will the four who escaped from Kim's gulag fight for the other 29? If they don't, then no one will. No one in Korea will at least and especially when this summers hot political issue is beef and not human life.

I wonder how they would explain themselves to their imprisoned North Korean brethren? They couldn't and they wouldn't.

Awful Waffle

My wife just called me from the office. She has started a new job and has been busy orienting herself to the new gig, office and coworkers. She is very social and has an inviting personality, but when it was time to go to lunch, the workers split into their respective clicks and went to lunch. It was at that time when I received a text message from 고운.

"Damn! The people went 4 lunch N I don't have a group yet, nor do I know where to eat! I'm so hungry!"

I think it would be fair to say that most people have had similar experiences growing up and most of them were probably in the early days of high school. I mention this because I think that Koreans of all ages act very much like they are still in high school; the clicks, the conformity, the inability to be an individual and the of course the jealously, envy and unnatural desire to have what others have and compare your life to others.

While some of these societal traits can be traced back to Korea's Confucius roots, most of this occurs because people are scared to stray from the safety of popular opinion. Their opinions, habits and lifestyles are all as close to identical as possible and that is a little too much like high school.

I do wonder what segments would represent the jock, the nerd, and the popular kid. I think that the English teachers should give every Korean an Awful Waffle and maybe that would snap them out of their safety zone.

My Ears!

Yet again, Korean citizens and netizens have proven that their passionate crusade against rational and independant thought is stronger than ever. As if the riots, vigils, violence, web propaganda and demostrations weren't enough, they have now turned their intellectually absent minds against a once beloved, but now soon-to-be former television personality.

"Jeong Sun-hee, a female comedien, made the controversial comment on a listener's complaint about losing a bicycle at the site of a candlelit vigil. She said: ``Amid rising iron prices, some people have been stealing manhole covers. People participate in candlelit demonstrations over big issues such as mad cow disease, out of patriotism, but do not feel guilty over such small things as manhole theft, which is a crime. Who knows? Some of those steaming over the big issue and participating in the rally may be such small-scale offenders."

This comment is so benign and tame, but the backlash has caused her to quit some of her television shows and even issue this apology.

"I'm also a Korean who worries about the same things as you. I didn't intend to neglect public reaction, but thought people would understand me if I stayed calm for a while. I'm sorry again for not understanding you fully and making you angry,'' she said in Friday's broadcast."

She meant to say (IMO)...

"I can't believe that I misunderestimated how willfully blind my own people are. I was wrong for assuming it would be okay for having a unique thought and I promise that will always be quick to follow the great wisdom of the Korean ovine."

Of course, the ineterent petition demanding her resignation for such treason is already in full swing and you can join in the fun and let her know that indivuality like this can cause seriuos harm and will not be tolerated!

RIP BO

It seems that I am getting to the age when all of my favorites are going to start passing away. The musicians seem to be going first, but the actors, actresses, writers and politicians are not too off. It's going to be strange seeing these guys reach the end.



Can someone enlighten me as to what the hair parting was about?

Korea is asking for it!

In its ninth straight day of protests, the anti-US beef Korean protesters have only intensified their unfounded protests.

On Sunday night, more than 20,000 citizens, undaunted by the large-scale roundups by riot police, took to the streets in central Seoul for the ninth straight day. Riot police blocked the central Gwanghwamun area, keeping them from marching toward Cheong Wa Dae.

Their all-night march towards Cheong Wa Dae, Lee Myung-bak's home, is just the latest in ridiculus attempts to feel like they are a part of something important. By the time that these jokers have calmed down and realized that burning American flags and putting stickers on riot police shields does nothing, they will wake up to a few things.

They will have lost their chances of a visa waiver to the United States. The US and other nations will limit its imports of cars, technology, phones, TV's and everything else. Without US beef, Korea will have to pay higher prices for Australian beef which will not be enough, so a shortage is imminent.

So, continue protesting. Continue your anti-American garbage because this will only hurt Korea.