It's the parents, stupid!

Although I have not been here too long, I feel like I have seen all sorts of things. I've written about a lot of them and one day I'll write about the real subtle differences, but to do that with any accuracy I would have to spend years writing. Maybe later, but tonight I decided to stay off the wild streets of Seoul and brainstorm a bit for future posts to write and tell you guys a story. I am tired from another day on the Han anyways. Check out webshots if you want to see what it's all about.

Of all the experiences I've had playing "ethnographer" in a sense, there is one phenomenon I just don't understand. When we go out, which is very frequent, there are hardly any single Korean women in sight. It's not that I am constantly looking for them, but when I'm out it's nice to converse with the opposite sex, even if we can't really understand each other. I do not understand this and so I asked around in hopes of getting to the bottom of it. Did I? You tell me.

Prior to leaving for Korea, Kristin gave me a travel book on South Korea. Thanks again Maurice! Besides laughing about bath houses (Is that a compound word?) with Uncle John, Kristin and Trey (mostly Uncle John though) and how to say "I'll have some of that over here" and "One more bowl of rice, please", I tried to mentally assimilate myself by reading about some of the glaring cultural differences. Dad gave me a good bit of advice also with one of his written lectures on the differences between Asian and Western business worlds. I'm not saying that it was a "Dad talk" where he'll talk about something in great detail that is very relevant to his business, however the subject matter will be something that I didn't even know ANYONE knew about. I'm not coming down hard on you Dad, I enjoy these talks. I guess that's where age and experience shines through, right?. So I did my best to read as much of the travel book as I could, as Mom did when we were driving together during my last few days there. So I picked up on a few things.

The book said that Korean people and woman specifically, tended to be more discrete. They focused mainly on what they were doing and usually kept to themselves. That is true to a degree, but it doesn't answer the question of why they don't go out. It said that it was very acceptable for a man to be drunk and loud in the streets, but frowned upon if women did so. Not true, there are plenty of old women, married women and female students out in the streets. They are there, but what about the twenty-somethings? These women are getting married. They're meeting people somewhere!

Could it have something to do with religion? I looked into that and did not get anywhere. Korea is a very secular country and Seoul in particular does not practice much of anything. There are a lot of churches and Buddhist temples, but remember this is the largest city in the world. Seriously, look it up. If you include the metropolitan area then it loses a couple postions to Mexico City and Tokyo, but it's still bigger than anything the US, Europe, Africa and South America has to offer. Dream on Australia. The Bible Belt has a fraction of the population of Seoul, but well over ten times the number of churches. Imagine how many churches would be here is that kind of fanaticism swept Korea. I know I don't want to. The numbers for all of South Korea are something like this: 25% Christian, 25% Buddhist and the rest do not practice any religion. I'd venture to guess that that number is high too. I've asked some of my kids about their religion and of the seventy or so kids that I teach throughout the course of one week, about five of them claim to go to church. I've asked them what Christmas is and they usually give me a response that includes Santa and excludes Jesus. Where is the Church Lady when you need her?I'd also guess that the majority of wealthy people do not practice any religon. That is typical though. We've seen that all throughout history. A lot of people find comfort in religion when confronted with the rigors of life and the uphill battle of social mobility. The Catholic Church used to use that a lot: Accept your position on earth and you'll be rewarded later. Of course the flaw is that NONE of us know what is next, so that doesn't sit well with me. I think the Calvinists were the ones who taught that the more you earn and possess here, the better your chances are with old Saint Peter at those gates later. I don't like either of those doctrines. I'm not saying that if you're well off you don't need religon, everyone needs something I guess, but I digress. So, I doubt that religion interferes with it much.

Maybe they don't like to drink and they know that drinking is a pretty big part of going out? Ha! First of all, everyone likes to drink at one point or another and if religion isn't in the mix then drinking usually is in the mix. And even if they didn't like drinking, they could still go out and have fun with people.

So I finally broke down and asked a couple of the Korean teachers what the deal was. These two women, one is twenty-five and the other thirty-two, have been asked to go out with us by us on numerous occasions and have failed to show up everytime. I started out a little less pushy and nosey than I usually am.

"We missed you at Suzanna's birthday dinner." I started (with the full intention of bluntly saying 'Where were you huh?' right after).

"Yeah sorry, I was with my parents" she responded.

I decided not to be rude this time. I took this as I would have at home and, in most cases at least, when a grown man or woman says that he or she was with their parents, it typically means that they're visiting from out of town. Maybe it was a birthday or something, but I was sure that it was a special occasion. Besides, she is an attractive, well-educated (in America actually) and generally happy woman, so I did not think that she too could be one of these reclusive Koreans. Besides, she lived in America for years, so she had to have gone out. Right when I though that, I got an image of late nights at UT. All of you UT alums know what I'm talking about. I would be going to a party, walking to a football game or stumbling around three sheets to the wind, when the Asian student would come in sight. They had the head down, plain clothing on, their books in hand, briskly walking to the library... on a Friday night for God's sake! What were they doing anyways! Not rockin it, I know that.

So maybe the book was true. Maybe they really do stick with what they know and let the wonderful world of experience pass them by. You might be thinking that I was looking at her with a dumbfounded expression on my face for several minutes while I thought and chuckled about Asian students and about having a great time in college. Well, you're right, although it was only for a few seconds rather than a few minutes. So, I decided to respond with the only thing I could think of.

"Parents? Were they visiting or something?

"No, I live with them."

"What!?" I couldn't believe my ears.

"I live with my parents."

I again decided not to be rude by continuing to pry, so I accepted that she lived at home. Still, this was not really an answer to my original question. She could have come out and had fun anyways. She even told Suzanna that she would come out. For Suzanna's birthday, we went to a place called Carne Station. You pay twenty dollars and you can eat and drink all you want. I'm talking any food you can imagine (within reason) and every drink under the sun. It's playfully called "Blackout Station", but nothing like that happened that evening. What a place...

"Well, I also figured you guys would be out too late." she said, trying to smooth over the obvious confusion my face simply could not hide.

"Actually, we were only there until midnight." I fired back, hoping to reduce her argument to nothing.

"See, that is too late."

"Too late? Why?"

I was confused. Why was midnight too late? Has midnight ever been too late on a weekend? It's too early if you ask me. Then she dropped the bombshell.

"My curfew is 11:00pm."

My jawed dropped. Did I hear that correct? A twenty-five year old woman with a well paying job has a curfew and, to make it worse, one that is at 11pm. I was blown away. I didn't understand and I still don't understand. She could tell my disbelief and saught out another Korean teacher for support.

"She has a curfew and it's at 11:00pm also." she said as the other teacher nodded in agreement.

I accepted it and casually changed the subject, although I did not receive any closure. Why? Why!? Why would a twenty-five year old and, are you ready for this, a thiry-two year old woman have such ridiculous rules to govern them. I had to talk about this with someone. I went to Aaron whom I usually vent to and was hoping to hear that this is rare and that these girls' parents are crazy. I got nothing.

"Yeah dude, that's how they all are." he said in his typical nothing-can-ever-shock-me tone that I love. It's classic. I wish you could hear it.

I asked him why and he did not have an answer. No one does. Hell, I doubt the parents could defend it. How do they think they're ever going to get rid off them if they can't ever have any freedom? So that is why I ripped off the old "It's the economy, stupid" saying and altered it to the "It's the parents, stupid." Is it though? Maybe, but don't think for a second that I'm done with this investigation. I will continue to snoop around this peninsula for many months to come. And if I can, I'll put a stop to this because it is so damn odd. What's a man to do?

Still, I'm sure there are many other reasons why I do not see the number of women I want to when I go out. Maybe I'm not going to the right places. Maybe I have to go to the sleazy bars and dance clubs to find them, but that's not really my style. I know I'll learn all sorts of other silly or maybe even valid reasons why they're not where I am, but until I find where they are, it looks like I'm destined to hang out with the same lot I've been stuck with at the bars so far: the old drunk korean men who have a lot to say...in Korean.

Just great...